I have made many “never” pronouncements in my life and some “always”, but mostly “never”. Never is rarely “never”, I guess, except maybe with death. But that one’s up for debate, too.
My very first year of teaching began about three months after graduating from college. I, of course, knew everything there was to know about teaching. I loved music and would teach middle school band and music at the school where I had been a student. What could possibly go wrong?
It was a year of learning for me. When I walked away from that building, I pronounced I would never walk into a band room again.
And Fate laughed.
I ended up teaching band and music for 15 more years. The next-to-the-last year of teaching was even worse than my first year but for different reasons. My last year was probably one of my best years. I knew my time was up.
As I walked away from my last full time band job, I pronounced I would never teach again. I was over it.
And Fate laughed.
My career path has been varied. An HR professional would likely call me a gypsy or say I couldn’t hold down a job.
I worked in the non-profit field for many years. My final non-profit job was in a position that wasn’t a good fit for me. During my time there, I also separated from my husband of 26 years and decided to pursue my dream of going to law school.
And Fate laughed her ass off.
In order to bridge the gap between my ill-fated non-profit job and law school, I was blessed (yes, honestly blessed) with the opportunity to be a long-term substitute teacher for a colleague who had had a stroke. I would teach her general music, choir, percussion, and jazz band classes.
Back to classroom I went. It was hard. Middle school is hard generally. The students I had loved their teacher and grieved her loss in their lives. It was a roller coaster for me as well. There were many days I decided to never go back but went back anyway.
I left for law school at the end of April and said I would never go back to the classroom. There had been a lingering question of whether I made the right decision to leave education ten years previous. This experience slammed the door and locked it hard.
Fate was rolling on the fucking floor.
I went to law school in order help people who were down on their luck. I would be a caring, compassionate lawyer, not motivated by money. But I also wanted the money so I could finally be financially set. I could help my brothers and give to my favorite non-profits. I had it figured out.
Then I didn’t pass the bar exam. Not only did I not pass the bar, I didn’t pass it five times. Five times! Who does that??????
I went looking for Fate to give her a kick in the ass.
For the past four and a half years since graduating from law school, I done several things to pay my bills: I was our church’s office manager (that was a bad idea), I founded and ran a small non-profit, then worked full time for a criminal defense attorney. I have learned that I am not a very good employee. I need to be out front, not at a desk with a boss.
Fate is shaking her head at me.
Starting Monday, I will be a substitute teacher in the local schools again. I cannot believe this keeps happening but I am grateful it does.
I ran into a choir student from my pre-law school job a few weeks ago. She recognized me and gave me a big hug. She talked about how much she loved choir when I was there and apologized for being a middle school pain-in-the-butt. We connected on Facebook where she tagged several of the other girls from that choir class.
I left that sub job six years ago knowing those kids hated and resented me. I was floored when this young lady was elated to see me. I was stunned and touched when the other girls were as well.
So Monday, I go back to the classroom. It seems to be my fate. I can only hope that I am able to give the students what they need from me.
There is a reason this keeps happening. Maybe I’ll always be a teacher.
Dear God, WTH? 